You’ve likely heard the term reading the room, when a person observes words, tone and actions to get a sense of others’ sentiments and expectations. Most of the great leaders I have worked with and for in my career were exceptional at reading the room. They also used that sense to better understand others through employing empathy.

Dictionary.com defines empathy as the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another. It’s more than just reading the room, it’s taking what you can glean and adjusting your actions to better meet the situation.

When my father died, we held a five-hour wake for people to come and pay respects. When we first got there, my mother, siblings and I were very sad at losing my father. As the night progressed, we talked more about the good times with him, which was shown by smiles and some laughter. Most of those who attended the wake read the room and were sad when we were sad and laughed when we did. Reading the room was mirrored by empathy.

Empathy doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with the person you are empathizing with; it just means you recognize the person is feeling a particular way and your actions reflect the recognition.

Read more at ProjectManagement.com.

Paul was a hard-charging project manager who had a reputation with his management for getting things done. He knew the PM fundamentals cold and could use his knowledge to navigate through projects. Ninety percent of the time, Paul was easy to work with. Unfortunately, he was known among his peers and project teams for the 10 percent.

When things got stressful on a project, whether from not meeting schedule, conflicts among team members or unforeseen issues, Paul was unpredictable in his reactions. Sometimes he would be okay with things and manage through the problem; other times he would lash out at others. There was little rhyme or reason for his reactions.

As a result, his teams were always on guard, waiting for a possible bad reaction. Despite his knowledge and ability to deliver, his unpredictable flash points were significant enough that some refused to work on projects with Paul as the PM.

Read more at ProjectManagement.com.

Emotional intelligence (or emotional quotient, EI or EQ) is widely viewed as a skill that leaders need to master to deliver results through others. According to Harvard Business School (HBS) Online, EI is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as recognize and influence the emotions of those around you. The phrase was first used in 1990 by researchers John Mayer and Peter Salovey, and later popularized by psychologist Daniel Coleman.

In addition, according to the United States National Institute of Health (NIH), as of 2019 there were more than 30 different measures of EI. The NIH distinguishes between ability EI, which measures constructs related to an individual’s theoretical understanding of emotions and emotional function; and trait EI, which measures typical behaviors in emotion-relevant situations.

Quite honestly, much of the theory about EI and how it’s measured is pretty heady stuff and, unless you’re an EI wonk, you probably won’t take the time to make sense of it. My purpose in writing about the topic is to break it down to its core elements, apply it to the project management discipline, and help PMs be more effective at getting stuff done through others.

EI is what we as PMs do as a core job discipline; PMs need to focus on and master it early in their careers. I boil EI down to four crucial building blocks, as follows:

Read more at ProjectManagement.com.

I love baseball.  I love watching the strategies, the big plays, the colossal errors (anyone remember poor Bill Buckner?) and the dramatic finishes.  The Tampa Bay Rays, who in nine of their first ten years of existence finished dead last in their division (In 2004 they managed to beat out one team and finished fourth in their division), surprised everyone in 2008 by beating out such teams as the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees and made it to the World Series only to lose to the Philadelphia Phillies.  Even though they lost the World Series, they were heroes in the eyes of millions who rooted for them and their storybook season. 

One strategy that I particularly enjoy is the use of specialty players, of which the most prevalent is the "closer".  The closer is a pitcher who is brought in for just a very short period of the game (typically the last inning of a game) to shut down opponent hitters and either secure a win for their team or allow a team who is behind to catch up in their last at-bat.

Several years back I got into a conversation with a colleague about our kids.  He told me of how he took his daughters to the circus.  He wasn't able to afford it, but decided to go anyway.  While they were at the circus, he looked over at his oldest daughter.  The look on her face was one of utter contentment and delight.  Seeing his daughter's face caused my colleague to get all choked up.  The price of admission was redeemed through a priceless moment that my colleague shared with his daughter.   

Confused about Velocity Banking? See my analysis and conclusions of using velocity banking versus just paying an extra payment towards your mortgage. Want the spreadsheet to do your own analysis? Download it here.

Lonnie Pacelli is the author of over 50 books on project management, leadership development, disability inclusion, and autism awareness.  See his books, self-study seminars, and keynote addresses.

Meet Ken the people pleaser.
Ken felt guilty every time he couldn’t say yes to an ask. It was the ask from his friend Jan that weighed particularly heavy on him. Then came the magical elevator ride with the quirky elevator operator. He taught Ken the No-Guilt Plan which helped Ken respond to Jan intentionally, constructively, and without guilt. The No-Guilt Plan became a part of Ken’s everyday life and fundamentally changed how he responded to asks.

Can the No-Guilt Plan do the same for you?

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Download the Guilt Free Plan Excel Template to help you make better decisions.

“What are all these people doing here?” Angela, the engineering manager, asked herself as she logged into the Teams meeting and saw 30 people already there ahead of her.

Jeff, the project manager who called the meeting, began: “We have a request from management to update our budget numbers, which are due tomorrow. I need to go through each of the budget line items and confirm that what we have is still accurate.”

“Jeff, we have a development milestone tomorrow that we’re all working hard to hit. Why do we have to do the budget update now?” Angela asked.

“I understand, Angela, but my management wants the numbers.”

“Jeff, there are a lot of people in here including my whole team. Is this a new request?”

Anna, one of Jeff’s PM colleagues and Jeff’s mentor, responded, “Jeff, this ask has been out there for over a week. Why the fire drill?”

Jeff paused. “Well, I’ve been really busy and am just getting to this. Can we just go through and verify numbers?”

Angela tried to contain her frustration, “Jeff, we need to hit our dev milestone and I can’t have my team sitting in a meeting to verify budget numbers just because your management wants it. Do the best you can on your own; we need to get back to work. Sorry, Jeff.”

Angela and her team dropped from the meeting while most of those who remained turned off their video to work on other things.

Anna sent him a private message suggesting that he cancel the meeting and try to update numbers on his own. Jeff reluctantly agreed and canceled the meeting.

“I try to be a good collaborator, but why does it seem I’m the only one collaborating?” Jeff asked himself as he closed out the Teams meeting.

Read more at ProjectManagement.com.