Delivering effectively through others requires project managers to build trusted relationships, particularly when there are bumps in the road and the PM has to ask team members to do unplanned activities to keep things on schedule and budget, and within scope. I’m being intentional in naming this block Relate for Results. Building relationships with your team doesn’t mean you have to socialize with them or that some team members become personal friends. It means the relationship pillars are there to help you deliver what, when and how much you’ve agreed to.

There are common relationship pillars such as honesty, integrity, mindfulness and effective communication you can find in simple internet searches. I’d like to pose a slightly different lens on some pillars that I think are every bit as important, as follows:

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Some time back I was reminded about a crucial attribute that all seasoned leaders possess.  What surprised me was that it didn't come from what I do in my work life, it came from an interaction I had with my then 15-year-old son. 

Sparing you some of the gory details, we had a situation where my son and I had to have some "man talk" where I expressed some displeasure with his behavior.  It wasn't pretty and was very uncomfortable for him and not at all pleasant for me.  Given that I took some huge withdrawals from the emotional bank account with him I recognized that I needed to have a more grounded follow-up discussion with him the next day.  

You’ve likely heard the term reading the room, when a person observes words, tone and actions to get a sense of others’ sentiments and expectations. Most of the great leaders I have worked with and for in my career were exceptional at reading the room. They also used that sense to better understand others through employing empathy.

Dictionary.com defines empathy as the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the emotions, thoughts, or attitudes of another. It’s more than just reading the room, it’s taking what you can glean and adjusting your actions to better meet the situation.

When my father died, we held a five-hour wake for people to come and pay respects. When we first got there, my mother, siblings and I were very sad at losing my father. As the night progressed, we talked more about the good times with him, which was shown by smiles and some laughter. Most of those who attended the wake read the room and were sad when we were sad and laughed when we did. Reading the room was mirrored by empathy.

Empathy doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with the person you are empathizing with; it just means you recognize the person is feeling a particular way and your actions reflect the recognition.

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Paul was a hard-charging project manager who had a reputation with his management for getting things done. He knew the PM fundamentals cold and could use his knowledge to navigate through projects. Ninety percent of the time, Paul was easy to work with. Unfortunately, he was known among his peers and project teams for the 10 percent.

When things got stressful on a project, whether from not meeting schedule, conflicts among team members or unforeseen issues, Paul was unpredictable in his reactions. Sometimes he would be okay with things and manage through the problem; other times he would lash out at others. There was little rhyme or reason for his reactions.

As a result, his teams were always on guard, waiting for a possible bad reaction. Despite his knowledge and ability to deliver, his unpredictable flash points were significant enough that some refused to work on projects with Paul as the PM.

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